Its not until you have a major life changing incident in your life that you see the true value of the people whom you love and who love you.
My Husband – Rannie
“My King, His Queen”
Truly and sincerely, the love of my life. We rarely argue, yes we’ve had our moments in the past 21 years since we met but we have never parted and he really is my rock, my soul mate, my everything. He isnt an emotional creature at all, he is quiet in his thinking and evaluation of situations but vocal when you need him to be….we just clicked from day one for reasons I cannot explain, but some things need no explanation. I am under no illusion that this illness has and is causing him distress in huge proportions. Its not only my life thats changed but his. He has a sick wife, and if ever our marriage vows “in sickness and in health” are to be put to the test it’s now. Since my surgery, he has cooked, cleaned, ironed, shopped, been my PA, been to every appointment and taken notes, mopped up my tears, took care of the kids needs and kept everything moving in the right direction. The only thing he hasn’t mastered is the washing machine and how I like the washing sorted….but its a work in progress.
“The reasons I live”
My boys, Leon (23), Tashan (19) and Tyreke (12). And lets not forget my granddaughter Mya-Louisa (2) she is Leon’s daughter and a true blessing to me. For 3 boys brought up in the same household they are all so different in personalities but one thing for sure is they are all comedians. But they are the reason I live and I breathe. Anyone who is a parent (well….nearly everyone) understands that you would do anything for them no matter how much they annoy you, piss you off, get lazy and ungrateful and often fail to appreciate the things you do for them…but you know they love you dearly provided you have done right by them. Yes we bicker, I get all up in their business when they step out of line, but it never changes our relationship because we live good. Yes Id love to tweek little bits and pieces in terms of what they do and how they carry themselves but its their life to live and they must live it. All I know, when the shit hit the fan, they were all here and continue to be. If by some law of the universe this cancer has affected me and avoided my children and my granddaughter then I accept whatever will be will be.
My Best Friend – Sherri
” A Formidable Weapon”
We’ve been friends since we were knee high, we inherited each other as our mothers were good friends until Sherri’s mum tragically died in 1998 from a intracranial berry aneurysm that no-one knew she had. Sherri and I often talk about her, she often comes up in conversations and Sherri is so much like her mum is untrue. Auntie Shirley has never been and will never be forgotten. She left a massive hole in many lives, and I doubt that hole will ever fully close. I dont know if its the tragedy of what she went through losing her mum that makes her so strong but again im under no illusion that my illness probably has her scared stupid as its not every day you have to support a close friend through a life threatening illness. She has been with me through the pregnancies and births of my children, she was my on-call babysitter, she has been the shoulder I cried on when I lost my stepdad and she was Chief Bridesmaid at my wedding. Thats just a small list of what we have done together as this blog would be well hench! From the moment I told her I found a lump in my breast (and it took me a week to tell her) she has been right by my side. We talk nearly every day, she always checks up on me and Rannie, my Mum and the boys. She came to my first Chemo session as I just needed her to be there alongside Rannie as she recognises she is there to support him as well as me. Even though she works full time and I hate to ask her to take time off work, she just has this insistence that whatever I need her to do, she will do. She was there the day I shaved my very long hair off, again, just a pillar of support for me as I had no idea of how I was going to handle that. We discussed all of my dark fears and she was the one who made all the phone calls for me that I just couldnt handle to tell our close network of friends. If she could grab this cancer by the throat…..she’d kick its ass…….and some 🙂
My Mum – Ivy
She needs no “tag” – she is my mum. She isnt a well woman herself, she has a list of illnesses longer than the M6 but she is a trooper, sometimes I just have to remind her of that. She was obviously devastated to learn of my diagnosis. I didn’t tell her straight away as I had to deal with my own emotions. But she hasnt cried in front of me, although I know she cries, she is just holding it together for me as I can’t deal with anyone elses emotions at the moment….im not strong enough myself, not until I have the whole “shituation” in hand and know the full impact of my diagnosis as I havent had the full body scans as yet. Mum lost my step dad just 6 years ago in 2005, to cancer, so I can imagine what’s running through her mind right now….that her baby is going to die, that this disease is taking everything from her that she loves and she may even feel she is being punished in some way…asking herself “Why”? I know if I die, she wont be long after me, as although we argue like cat and dog, I don’t think she’d cope if I wasn’t here. But I hope she remembers no matter what happens to me, she has her grand children and her great granddaughter, and they should be the reason she lives also.
My Brothers & Sisters
Of which there are plenty lol. I wont go into the whole story here as its a long one but I love each and every one of them unconditionally. They are all keeping my spirits up although I know my diagnosis has rocked them too as its so unfair on us at this time in our lives. But no matter what happens, I know them, I have held them, I have kissed them and I have shared a connection with them and nothing can take that away from me, not even the cancer, its engraved in history and Im engraved on their memory and that cannot be undone.
My Good Good Friends
“Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things
I don’t have loads and loads of friends, I certainly do have many acquaintances. But my close friends I can probably count on one hand and they know who they are. They have known me since I was knee high or in later years we became close and have shared stuff our acquaintances wouldn’t know…or like one of them, we went to the same school and we’ve just always got on well, I even work with a couple of them. Each one of my close friends brings value to my life in abundance and I choose to keep them around me because of what we bring into each others lives and I know they will be there for me in the good and bad times.