The Changes In Me

Well, Christmas is over, I believe most of you will have binned all the left over turkey, but if like my hubby you are very thrifty that turkey was stripped down to the core and even the bones got boiled to make soup! :-).  We spent Christmas at my Sister-in-Law’s and came home on Boxing day. We always have a great time there catching up with whats new and watching our Nephew/Godson Nathan growing into a fine young man…he is only 2 but that boy is genetically intelligent beyond belief.  I missed my granddaughter terribly but got to have her the last couple of evenings and I have her all day on New Years Day….excited!!!!

I guess at this time of year we all do a little bit of reflection on the 12 months previous. Things we did, things we could have done better, things we perhaps regretted.  I know there is a general mantra “don’t do regrets”, well I don’t think there is anything wrong with regret.  Regret for me is what teaches me to do something better or just plain avoid something or even someone next time round, some of you may not call it regret and have some other word for it. Anyway, just don’t dwell on them as time waits for no man…or woman.

I’ve noted changes in me that this cancer malarkey has bought about.  I’m pissed off that my belly, waistline, hips and thighs are growing again! KMT.  Anyone who knows me personally knows that I have struggled with my weight on and off for years. As long as my mind stretches the scales have been up and down like a ski-lift in winter.  Since about 2006 I managed to hit a size 12 and remained that way for a fair few years as a result of my love of running and weight training, but since my back went pop in 2010 my running mileage diminished incredibly and I’ve struggled with getting back to full fitness, but I was trying.  And then POW!  This darned cancer came along and really messed me up.  I’m down, but not out, I will hit the pavements again…..just have to get over this hill and then hopefully I can run down the other side.  But its annoying that I have a barrage of size 12 clothes crammed into my wardrobe and drawers that no longer fit me and I’ve now managed to gain a whopping 2.5 stone over 18 months and this chemo crap is adding more.  Yeh I know what some of you are thinking….but you skinny bitches can get lost with your lettuce and cucumber….I need comfort foods right now so my hubby is feeding me proper foodage to fatten me up to fight the beast within!  And of course the occasional chocolate bar is welcomed in my house. My sister bought me (or was it the kids she bought them for 🙂 ) a tin of Cadbury’s finest biscuits over Christmas……and boy did I massacre them yesterday….Tyreke my youngest opened them and I was like a red rag to a bull! (Natz babes you’d be proud of how I bullied them biscuits TOO DEATH!)

But once this battle is won, me and my hubby will train together and he will get my fitness back up and firing on all cylinders.  My hubby by the way is a fitness fanatic, trains religiously and we love training together.  If you want to see how he trains he has his own blog that you can view here:-

So I know I can get into the size 12’s again, I just have to be patient and try not to stress over it as I have bigger fish to fry right about now.

I have also noted that I don’t get worked up over silly things anymore, I just let it ride me by because nothing beats the stress of cancer, and if I can handle this stress then the stupid little things really don’t seem to rock me anymore.

For instance, my Son Leon gave me an iPhone…I kept moaning that all my children and my hubby had these iPhones and I was Miss Odd One Out with my ever faithful blackberry, so I put my face on and Leon upgraded his iPhone and gave me his other one (ohh yes, he did remind me how much money he could have got for it….but mummy comes first) lol.  Anyway, I have had the iPhone about 2 weeks now, happily playing with it and yesterday, ya never guess what!  My hubby dropped it on the floor and shattered the screen!  (i can see about 50 of my readers recoiling in sheer horror at the thought of that happening to their precious iPhones) lol.  My Niece Chiquina was here and she recoiled in horror too…..along with Tyreke…even Rannie kind of went into an immediate state of shock as the three of them probably thought……..Lisa is gonna EXPLODE!……but you know what……I didn’t.  I actually didn’t even raise up my blood pressure over it, I just looked at Rannie gave him a smirk and sniggered and said Durrrrrrrr! I secretly think he was relieved that he didn’t have to run in the opposite direction lol…….but one wonders if he slept with one eye open in case I was planning a midnight surprise attack! But why get vex over it? It happened, it was an accident, it broke, it can be fixed.

Furthermore, my husband has been such a rock for me in all  I do…even before my cancer, furthermore – he didn’t do it on purpose, furthermore – just 2 hours before he dropped said iPhone, he went out and bought me a late Christmas present…..a bloody MacBook Pro!!!!!!  So here I sit this morning merrily updating my blog on my MacBook…..Yeehhhhh me!  So how could I get vex?  De MacBook Pretty Yuh See! lol

So there you have it, I think the change is my attitude and how I approach situations.  Before my weight would have played on me and if the scales went up by a pound I would have been in a mood for days until it disappeared.  But now, just let it be, my weight doesn’t define me (nor does my hair remember) and if for someone my weight does define me then you need to Jog On in the opposite direction to me.

For any of you celebrating New Years Eve later tonight, have a lovely time, I’m in my low immunity week so am not going out to be in crowds of possible coughs and colds. Me and the hubs and the kids will be here, together, and just happy to be in each others company.

I wish all my blog readers and followers a blessed, healthy and happy 2012.  Be thankful you made it as I keep saying, so many didn’t. Tomorrow is a new day, and is promised to no-one.

Love, Light & Blessings

Lisa & Family



About kissmeteet

47, wife, mother of 3 and nanny to 2, Christian. 6 year survivor of stage II Breast Cancer.
This entry was posted in breast, cancer, chemo, Christmas, death and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Changes In Me

  1. Andi McLean says:

    Hi Lisa, glad you’re still on the up and up and had a splendid time with your family ad friends over the Xmas break. I can empathize with you on the weight gaining aspect, as i gave up smoking at the begining of the year and have noticed that my waist size is trying hard to match my age,.. numerically,.. Thankfully it seems to favour when I was in my 30’s…(phew…cos I’m in my mid 40’s now)… but you know you what Lisa?.., think of it as a perk or a little treat given for getting back on your health path! Besides you’ve managed to maintain for so long already, so I’m sure once all the right or more ideal conditions present themselves in your life, you’ll once again be back training and fighting fit!
    Yes I definitely did a recoil at the thought of your smashed iPhone screen as I can’t count the amount of times I’ve dropped mine,.. Fortunately mine’s always been in a case, so my screen has always been preserved, but twice it’s messed up the firmware & it refused to reboot, but like you say, it can always be replaced or repaired and it is also in a funny sort of way a good thing because it teaches you to detach from material things and make them not have such an emotional impact on ones pyshcy!…. I beg yu nu bruk up de MacBook Pro tho,.. I guarantee you WILL be vext! I closed the lid on mine during my 1st week of having her & it was closer to the edge of the table than I realized & she fell to floor and now has a small dent on her underside! (yes I said her… I call her Ms Mac AND we’re in love ok!… There I said it!.. Lol)
    But in truth it has caused me to be less touchy feely & geeky about her… I mean it! Lol…. Jokes aside it is a really good investment and if you’re new to Mac’s… Welcome to the real world for adults and may a PC NEVER darken your worktop again!
    With that said, I’m gonna run off now as I have a soundcheck to get to, as I’ll be playing the new year in with a Funk band tonight at an ‘uptown’ venue!
    Blessings in abundance to you my sister & nuff love to Your wonderful husband and children & extended family… May the new year and beyond bring you more Love, more peace, more strength, more courage, more health, more protection, more wealth, more wisdom, more insight and more blessings!
    See and speak with you next year! Ciao Bella 🙂 xxxxxx

  2. Joy Scott says:

    Lovely Lisa, firstly i want to tell you what a blessing you have been , i consider it such a privilege to be able to read and share in your journey. You know girl god will never give you more than he knows you can handle .As you face the challenges of Chemo i pray for strength, and courage for you. I will be at church tonight and i will be praying for you . You are so blessed to have the constant love and support of Rannie and the kids and it is their unconditional love that will bring you through. I wish you gods richest blessings for 2012 as you complete your treatment and return to a Cancer Free Life, and your size 12 Wardrobe. Love you Girl, kiss and hugs to Rannie , your lovely boys and your sweet grandaughter. Love you Girl xx

  3. LornaE says:

    Lisa, life has ways of sharpening our focus and I’m impressed with how you are handling it. Wishing you health and happiness in 2012. x

  4. Sheron says:

    Lisa you make me smile every time i read your blogs wish you all the best for 2012 and hope the year brings only good things good news and better health you are truly blessed to have such a great companion . I wsh you both a Happy New Year and your lovely family .x

  5. ivor waite says:

    Happy New Year to you and the family. Hope 2012 brings you many reasons to smile x

  6. mizb11 says:

    HaPPPPy NeW YeAr Chik !!!!
    Luv from my fam to u and ur fam xxx

  7. sharon creasey says:

    Lisa Lisa Lisa, how on earth do you manage to make me cry and laugh at the same time! So sorry to hear about ur iphone 😁 lol. I have now upgraded to the iPhone posse as I dropped my Samsung in my vodka new years eve. Ooops! Every cloud eh! Hoping 2012 brings you good health, love and peace. Keep smiling (and eating!) lots of love xx

  8. lorna prince says:

    Hi Lisa, It’s Lorna, girl what can I say wow I am so shocked to have heard the new. I had to go onto your blog to take a look and read ‘ In the beginning ‘to take a walk through your experience.
    Lisa I always thought you was a lovely person, always smiling running jokes and having a laugh. But now with all what your going through I think your so inspirational, What I like most of all Lisa is the way you have the strength to remain positive through your treatment and everything.
    Lisa with that fighting power which is like a diamond that shine, the devil will not defeat you. You’re a special person who have touched so many people with your story I can only imagine what you’re going through and have nothing but maximum empathy for you and your family. I know it’s easy for me to say keep up the fight, because It;s you who’s going throught it, with your family plus friends to support you too .
    But stay strong girl friend and I will pray for you Rannie and the family, I wish you a speedy recovery.

    Nuff love and respect Lorna Prince Xxx

  9. hestertingey says:

    am loving your blog, Lisa, please keep writing! it inspires me and helps lots of women like me who are new to the cancer thing….

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