The Good, The Bad and The Downright UGLY!

Well here I am a few days post my 7th Chemo cycle.  Ive had some weird and ruthless side effects with this taxotere chemo that I have to endure 4 times over, remember the first time I had it it put me in hospital for a week.  Despite its horrors, I have to remember its being given to me to kill the feisty  tumour which is renting space in my breast and to deal with any cancer cells floating about therefore the old saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” comes to mind.

So whats Good?? 🙂 Well……my hair is growing back – cast your mind back to one of my first posts where I said my hair should hopefully start growing back in the spring just like the flowers – what foresight I must have had as my hair is growing with the daffodils which is quite poignant as its Marie Curie month where people who have been touched by cancer either themselves or in their family wear a small daffodil pin to show their support for the Marie Curie nurses. I wear mine with pride….you wont see me without it during March.

So whats Bad? 😦 Welllllll – my waist, hips, thighs, arms are the size of a baby hippo – I kid you not – I have gained a mammoth *drum rolls* 2 stone 12lbs of sheer weight with the chemo and the steroid combinations being fed to me over and over again. Its horrible. After working so damn hard to lose weight and staying slim for a few good years this bastard has to come and mess it up for me! KMT. So along with the bald head and the extra pounds I really feel like a sexy woman…..NOT!  and im told I should just forget the weight and be happy to be alive….this is true….but when you look at yourself in the mirror and totally hate whats looking back it’s not easy to remember that 😦  I think if you do a survey of 100 people and asked them what a cancer sufferer looks like, most will describe a thin, emaciated person. Well Jhezzzz…..I’m the EXACT OPPOSITE!  Yet my oncologist tells me every time I see him that he prefers to see me gaining weight….if I was losing it, he would be more concerned. So after the treatment ends (sometime in August or September) I have to put my diet head back on and drop about 3.5 stone. I have a year to do it before I have reconstruction surgery to replace the breast im soon to have taken 😦  trying not to think about that just yet but it’s getting closer.

So whats the Downright Ugly? 😦 :-(- its the skin and the scars.  I’m covered in war wounds from this treatment, on every limb, from corner to corner….even where the sun don’t shine I’m scarred. The chemo Im currently having, one of its side effects is to affect the skin on the hands and feet…well! my skin literally fell off!!  I kid you not and I took the pictures to prove it as I know no matter how I describe it……you aint gonna get it unless you see it! If you are of a nervous disposition or have a very light stomach – DO NOT READ ON!  As I’m about to post the pictures of the skin peeling off my hands and feet and the awful allergic rash I was left with.  I promised you warts and all on this blog, Im sharing with you some pictures I guarantee most of you wouldn’t share, but its my choice to educate you on the woes of chemo and cancer. My hands are so sensitive that I can just about hold a warm cup of tea…I cant put my bare hands in warm water as they feel like they are burning up!  Brilliant excuse not to wash the dishes! lol

Love Light & Blessings to you all 🙂

PS: Ladies  – when was the last time you checked your breasts?

The skin on both feet peeled away..GROSSE x 2!!


About kissmeteet

47, wife, mother of 3 and nanny to 2, Christian. 6 year survivor of stage II Breast Cancer.
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