The Dreaded Mastectomy Draws Near :-(

So here I am, 2 weeks past my last chemo, just recovering from the various side effects, I’m very very tired – all the time, my hands and feet are peeling again, albeit not as severely as the last time, my back hurts, my eyes are constantly watering and my eyelashes have left the building….eyebrows only just holding on, they are sparse, but are still just about there if you look closely 😦

Today I went to a “Look Good Feel Better” session which is run by a national charity for women who have had cancer and suffered the various confidence knocks like hair loss, facial hair loss (i.e. eyelashes, eyebrows) etc.  At this group session make up artists from various big named companies give up their time to come and do our make-up and show us tips (like drawing on ones eyebrows).  Plus we get a fantastic goody bag full of various skin care and make up, it was a great couple of hours and for such a worthy cause.

So then comes tomorrow….my appointment with my breast surgeon. The day he tells me when he is going to take my breast off 😦  I always knew this day was coming, but it was like 6 months ago since he told me that having my booby off was the only way forward for me.  I was quite nonchalant about it back then, as I was having to face 8 cycles of chemotherapy first so the “cut of my boob” bit was so far in the future it wasn’t worth worrying about back then. But now………its here. Reality is beginning to hit again and I keep looking at my poorly breast which looks perfectly normal by the way (except it still has my hickman line hanging out of it)….you really wouldn’t know about the beast which lies within her.

I keep touching her (nothing kinky), I keep looking at her (nothing freaky), it’s just because very possibly this time next week she will no longer be part of my body, and I don’t know how I feel about it.  My breast is part of my woman-ness, it breast-fed my three children as young babies, it kept Rannie entertained (many a time 🙂 ) and it made me look all symmetric in a nice frock, and now, she just won’t be there any more.

Her twin sister will still be there though, sitting all lonely on my chest. I keep thinking, should I take a picture of her before she goes?  Does that sound silly? or even sick in some way? and just where would I put that picture? In a box perhaps, with my old bras which will instantly become redundant once she is gone.

How will I face looking at the scar which is what will be left of her as a reminder of my womanhood….I don’t know 😦  I guess I’m just in a pessimistic mood at the moment, I need to refocus and try to find the positives about the whole booby off thing. Trying to be positive right now….is REALLY hard.

Right now…..for me….its time for prayer….and a damn stiff drink….KMT 😦

Love, Light & Boobies

Lisa xxx

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About kissmeteet

46, wife, mother of 3 and nanny to 2, Christian. 4 year survivor of stage II Breast Cancer.
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12 Responses to The Dreaded Mastectomy Draws Near :-(

  1. Liz says:

    Take the picture. Do whatever the hell you want except NEVER give up! You WILL beat whatever you face! Love always! xx

  2. Dawnie says:

    Lisa, your blogs never fail to ‘move’ me… I have not been where you have been but just by journeying with you in your description of your emotions, ‘I hear ya’. Like Liz said, take the picture, as many as you want, and whatever else you feel the need to do before ‘the time’ comes. And know that there are many of us behind you. I pray for God to strengthen you even more at this time. You are a legend girl…. Stay strong!

  3. temica6 says:

    Lisa lisa Lisa your amazing take the picture, pictures. You are such a great strong Friend reading this blogg made the tear just drop I must tell you I love you send hugs kissess strength and prayers to you. We new dis day would come KMT. You no am hear day or night morning or evening at the end of the phone just round the corner I have loads of milk. (lol) great seeing you today my thoughts are with you tomorrow and always. Let’s get it over with . Whoooooooo do you want me to come take the picture ??????? ( smile)

  4. Take ur fotos, an keep em in ur pink box ….. we salute u bub xxx

  5. I’m sorry you have to face more surgery. This really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t it?

  6. dougeharper says:

    Lisa. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. As others have said. TAKE A PICTURE what the hell.
    One good thing is that people can manage to cope with anything, no matter how terrible they may be. If you (or I) were told all the crap that was going to happen to you, I reckon you would flip. Thankfully, something inside us makes us cope.

    As you say LETS KICK ITS ASS!!

    Love
    Doug
    xxxx

  7. Lorna says:

    Lisa, I cannot even begin to suggest what to do; cannot even imagine what you are going through… Truly lost! What I know is your formidable strength through this all and continue to pray for that strength and God to undergrid you for the next phase. Lisa, do what your heart tells you. This is all out war against this enemy and you’ve proven you’re a warrior. God bless. Lorna xxx

  8. Karen Seaton says:

    Hi Lisa, So many hurdles you have crossed on the road to recovery, this may be the biggest one but girl I know that beaming smile of yours will shine through, and the strength within you and the love of your family and friends will keep you on that road. Bless you hon xx

  9. Chez says:

    Lisa, Prayers went out for you last night (17/04/12), as you were on my mind. I am playing catch up on this blog as it is dated 16/04/12…..Girl keep the FAITH always, you will face this challenge, like you face the last challenge…. You are strong and a warrior (as Lorna) says. The good Lord does not give us more than what we can bear, he knows, he continually walks with you and the family………………….Nuff love, hugs and blessings……Mwaaaaahhhhhh xxxxxxxxx

  10. bernard/sylvia says:

    hi lisa
    we have read all these truly sincere messages from your friends and family, and we want you to know you will be fine after your operation.we know as you know we have been there sylvia is doing fine now her hair is longer than mine now, and she has just had it trimmed, and most of all starting to get her life back again…………………. please please keep positive……our prayers are with you both. please let us know how you both are when you have had your mastectomy.
    with kindest regards to you both,and our very best wishes
    sylvia/bernard.

  11. Maxine says:

    Take the picture, file it, shred it, post it..whatever, but remember you are all woman. Boobilicious, strong, defiant, courageous and full of spirit. This next step will challenge you but not define you. Keep strong and know that you are loved and blessed. Always Maxine

  12. Marlene says:

    Just praying for you girl. The almighty will give you a clear answer. He has been with you through your journey, and will continue to protect and guide you. blessings x

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